Tuesday Ramblings

[The Toronto Star article on The Bee's Knees blog]

Last night I wrote a list of things I want to do today but instead I'm sitting on the couch trying to take in as much rest as I can. I made myself some coffee, read the Toronto Star and started reading a blog called The Bee's Knees after reading an article about it in today's newspaper (it inspired today's post). Today is the last day for a long while where I will get to do this -- have time for myself, for my body to rest when it needs to. School is out, it's Luke's last day at daycare and while other mom's are probably a bit excited to share some extra time with their kids this summer, all I can think about is how am I ever going to keep up with my child? I feel bad keeping Bella in daycare this summer but I don't know how I would ever manage keeping two of them busy without finding myself on the floor gasping for energy. It's not that she completely hates daycare but I know she would rather be at home. The thing is, when she's at home all she wants to do is cling and hang off me -- it's completely draining at times but I do love the cuddles and how happy she is when she's doing it.

I had my neurologist check-up this month. I always walk in with a smile, and did this time too, but when he asked me how I was I flat out told him I felt like crap. I had to stop the Betaseron injections a few months ago. It was draining me and didn't feel like it was making a positive impact on life with Multiple Sclerosis. So, now I'm trying a medcation called Cymbalta which is supposed to combat nerve pain. I started with a half dose and worked up to the full dose. It's been just over two week since I started taking it and while I'd liked to say the drug is working I'm still not quite sure. I never thought I could be any more tired than I usually am but this medication has me napping. Yes, NAPPING -- something I never do and never have been able to do. I've been going to bed early too. I guess you could say I'm truly tired rather than my usual drained self. The weirdest thing that has happened while being on this drug is the yawning fits. About six to eight hours after taking it I start yawning uncontrollably. At first I thought nothing of it but them people started noticing and then we started timing it. Like clock work I tell ya! I've heard this tiredness side effect will subside which is something to look forward to. Now that I think about it, Cymbalta might be working a bit. Let's hope because nothing else I've tried ever seems to do much.

My last sip of coffee is done. I best get on with my day. Enjoy yours too!

Nightcap

This is what's waiting for me after I stop procrastinating. My Betaseron injection. Twist off the attached medicine bottle, add an auto-injector and it's good to go.

It's been over a month now (you can read about it here and here) and it actually hasn't been too bad. I haven't yet foamed at the mouth, my eyes haven't turned yellow and I'm assuming I'm not farting in my sleep as Steve is still sleeping in the same bed with me.

An online friend I met through Facebook mentioned something about the auto-injector having different numbered tips. I had no clue what the numbers meant until she brought it up. I've been using the number 12 tip (there are three tips to choose from 8, 10 and 12) but tried the number 8 tip to see what the difference was. I'm definitely using the number 12 from now on after my experiment. I find that I don't have any injection site reactions with number 12 (just a little sore patch but nothing too overwhelming) but I guess since number 8 doesn't inject deep enough, I have issues with the medicine staying too close to the surface of my skin. Anyway, I'm sure that's more than you wanted to hear. Maybe I should have warned you first and told you to plug your ears and hum. Next time.

These chips and dip are really good right now. Maybe I'll procrastinate a bit longer. On second thought, I just reached my hand in the bag and realized I've already polished off half the bag and almost half the French Onion dip. If the farting doesn't get me kicked out of bed, the French Onion breath might just do it.

Ding...I'm done!

I did it! First injection done -- and I'm not foaming at the mouth....well, not yet anyway.

I had a nurse come over to help me out. Who knows what kind of mess I would have got myself into trying to do it on my own. I decided I would use the auto-injector which I was a bit hesitant to use. It reminds me of one of those meat thermometers...it even dings when it's done! The nurse prepped a needle with fake solution to show me how to do it. I watched thinking sure I'm going to remember all of this.

I can just see it now -- trying to ever so gently attach the bottle of medicine to the syringe, it slips, shoots into the air, everything turns into slow mode like on tv...reaching out my arms, trying to dive for the bottle, my eyes bludging out of my head while my mouth morphs into a huge open O -- "Noooo!"...get ready to duck, it ricochets off the light fixture, shatters a bulb, duck again, and then lands spinning in the middle of the floor. When I try again and finally get it just so, the liquid starts squirting from where the needle meets the medicine bottle while I'm trying desperately not to let go of the needle's plunger...bah!

Anyway, back to reality -- it was my turn. I watched drip after drip as the liquid fell into the medicine bottle thinking who was this brilliant person who thought this waiting period would be a good thing -- more time to sit and wonder which of the oh so lovely side effects might take over my body the second the medicine hits my bloodstream. I got everything all in order, put the needle in the injector, got ready to pull the trigger (or was it push the trigger...shesh, already I forget) and paused for way too long. "Just do it already", I told myself. Click....ding! Turkey's done....I mean, I did it!

Phew, and I only took 25% of the solution. Yes, you heard me right, a quarter of the solution. I'm easing into it. Doctors orders which I'm actually quite happy about. Maybe by doing it this way I'll only have to deal with the farting and spare myself from head meeting concrete.

The day has come

Today is the day -- the day I have tried to avoid for 9 years. It's Betaseron Day! Maybe if I make it sound exciting I'll get the what the hell am I thinking injecting some foreign substance into my bloodstream off my mind a bit. I guess it doesn't help that the list of side effects is longer than my to-do list (and I thought that was long)...

back pain
constipation
decreased appetite
decreased sexual ability (for males)
diarrhea
difficulty sleeping
dizziness
drowsiness
flatulence (gas)
hair loss
headache or migraine
heartburn
injection site reactions (e.g., skin irritation, swelling, pain, bruising, itching, bleeding)
itchiness
flu-like symptoms (e.g., fever, chills, sweating, muscle aches, tiredness)
menstrual changes (e.g., pain, frequency)
muscle spasms
nausea
neck pain
skin irritation, swelling, or pain at the injection site
vomiting

Oh wait, it doesn't stop there...

abdominal pain
anxiety or nervousness
blurred vision
burning or tingling sensation of feet or hands
changes in blood pressure
chills or fever
decreased hearing
difficulty speaking
ear pain
eye pain
fainting
increased muscle tone
signs of blood problems (flu-like symptoms, bruises, or unusual tiredness)
signs of depression (feeling sad, losing interest in things you used to enjoy, weight changes, changes in sleep habits, feelings of guilt or worthlessness, thoughts of suicide)
signs of heart problems (swollen ankles, shortness of breath, tightness in the chest, decreased ability to exercise, increased heart rate)
signs of liver problems (yellow eyes or skin, abdominal pain, dark urine or pale stools, easy bruising)
signs of thyroid problems (weight changes, feeling constantly hot or cold, changes in sleep patterns)
signs of unusual infections (symptoms may include fever or chills, severe diarrhea, shortness of breath, prolonged dizziness, headache, stiff neck, loss of voice, weight loss, or listlessness)
signs of urinary tract infections (bloody or cloudy urine, need to urinate more frequently, pain on urination, or strong urge to urinate)
tremor
unusual tiredness or weakness


So, if you see me jittering down the sidewalk, farting along with my eyes all yellow, my body dripping with sweat, gasping for air, don't be too disappointed if I don't answer when you call my name as I probably can't hear or see you anyway...or I'm on the verge of a seizure or heart attack so you better come catch me before my head bounces off the concrete.

Tell me this will all be worth it.